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Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
11:35 pm - we were doomed from the start....as lovers are....
Sooooo Cat called me last nite.....asking if i wanted to get something back on the go again. and i mean, what a i supposed to say? she's in Grand Falls, and i'm in the C-Dot....we had a few good flings this past summer but that's it.
ugh.....and my plan is to be gone again by the end of January, so what's the point right? so i gave her my reasons why i don't think it's a good idea, and i think she took it the wrong way. eep.

in other news, i ended up in st. john's today doing some christmas shopping. got most of it done too, thank fuck. it was nice to have help too ;)....if i had to do that alone today i would have ripped someone's head off. me + big crowds do NOT mix at all. kinda went nuts with the spending though......i'm gonna be hurtin for that later, but at least i got most of it done.

OH and RED STRIPE BEER is in NL!!!!!!!! in the short stubby ugly bottles! i love it. went on the beer on friday and saturday nite and that's what i picked up. sooooooo good. for some stupid reason that excites me very much.

and anyone with hook-ups to getting a job anywhere tropical, drop me a line. i'd much rather spend winter under plam trees than in -45 degree wather. nuf said

..- is the lamb, she is the slaughter. she's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her. nothing that he tells her is really having an effect. he whispers that he loves he but she's probably only looking for......-..

current mood: mellow

(3 murders | painted murder)

Friday, December 1st, 2006
1:04 pm - stay asleep in bed....
Then Peter came and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against
me, and I forgive him? Until seven times?"
 Jesus said to him, "I don't tell you until seven
times, but, until seventy times seven."

current mood: refreshed

(painted murder)

Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
5:50 pm - many changes, lots of good times, but still a tweaker
it's been such a long time since i've updated. lots of stuff has gone on. hmmmm......back in june i moved out of my ghetto pad, into a new place all by myself. it was right at the end of clarenville, and almost invisible from the road, so i dubbed it the "secret tweaker pad", after a subilme song. it was a nice little escape from much of the drama that had come into my life in te previous few months and a great place to have a few drinks. which myself and a few friends did quite regularly.
the summer was great. work wasn't too stressful, the weather was nice, lots of swimming at the lake, singing sublime at westside charlie's, and loads of nice pretty girls around, hahaha. my cousin danielle had a baby boy in july, and she named him dominic. another thing i got to do a lot was go out to my friend teri's place in Clarke's Beach. good times were had there, and we even tried out the Coach House in Bay Roberts.
Long story short, after the summer, when everyone started goin back to school, i started to find it lonely at my pad. so i decided to find a new one. so i asked my co-worker, jason if he wated in and he said yes. soooo we moved into a place on High Birchy, and my cousin justin tagged along for the ride. so now it's three of us livin here, and it's great.

shitty entry, but that's just a background entry for things to come

current mood: accomplished

(3 murders | painted murder)

Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
11:28 pm - like fuck
no sir, not doing it. you're not invading this part of my life too.
fuck off.
that's right

current mood: pissed off

(4 murders | painted murder)

Friday, July 21st, 2006
11:58 am - awesome time!!!!
well we went out on wednesday nite and it was awesome. i've been askin the kareoke guy here in c-ville (my kitchen managers brother, Tony) to get some sublime songs for kareoke. i told him, "i'd sing 'em all but he had 'em!!!!!! soooooo, me and jason got up and sang "date rape" andd then sang "what i got"........and people actually asked us to sing "date rape" again, so we did! and we won the contest!!! it was aweosme.
i now love kareoke

current mood: bouncy

(3 murders | painted murder)

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
10:06 am - Happy Birthday Squatface!
today's my sister Erica's birthday! she's 17 today. i wish i could make it down to NH to see you today but i got a shitty schedule today...booooo......tomorrow though, so that's alright.
she goes by the name cherrysoda1, and she's quite rad.

well last nite was quite fun i have to say. i worked from noon to 10 pm closing time. and D-Ray just got back in the c-dot yesterday after getting a job in town, so as a congrats i invited her up to the restaurant after closing to cook her filet migon (sp?) with a jack daniel's peppercorn sauce. "best steak ever!" i even went all the way and lit a sterno (canned heat for chafing dishes) on the table cause i couldn't find a candle. definatly wish i had a camera last nite......it was really funny. then we stayed around and watched "the apprentice with Ericka (not my sister) and we all chatted for a bit.

so yeah, nice relaxing nite i have to say. and things are looking up as far as i can see. i asked Ericka out for coffee again, and that's a go. "do you still have my number" she says, and i'm like "HELL YES".......what a dork. really nice to have the nite end off in good fashion. i think i have a crush....
so i better go. i have to work at 12 noon again today..... with Ericka! good shift today, i have to say!

..-My normal hesitation is gone. And I really gravitate to your will. Are you
here to fetch me out? 'Cause I've never had this taste in my mouth-..

current mood: ecstatic

(1 murder | painted murder)

Monday, May 29th, 2006
1:03 am - something new
ok, for anyone who knows me well, i'm not the most involved guy out there. for the most part, i just live my life and try to get by as well as i can.
this is where change needs to happen
soooooo, today i came up with an idea. an idea where everyone involved benifets.
my idea: the selling of tickets at work for a prize.....consisting of a 4 to 5 course meal, in high end gournet fashion for 4 people, with all profits going to the Janeway Sick Children's Hospital.
now, as far as i know, the Clarenville Inn doesn't usually do the whole fundfaising thing.....but i'm gonna make my case. and i'm serious about this. i've been looking throgh all my cooking and baking books, trying to come up with options for the menus, and i'm gonna present the idea to the hotel manager tomorrow.
so far, the people that i've mentioned this too think it's a really good idea, and everyone at work i've told about it says that they'd be willing to go out and get the tickets sold. and with most of the staff behind me on this, i think we have a fighting chance of getting this on the go.

*flips through cookbooks".....i have so much work to do on this.....

current mood: pleased

(7 murders | painted murder)

Thursday, May 25th, 2006
7:42 pm - long time coming....but finally
just a short one for now. been a little caught up in things lately......really confused with things.
but i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
my friend Jason said to me today, "what have you done to make you're life any better?"
so i did something and i'm very glad i did.
maybe i can go back to normal now and live free without any of this on my mind anymore.

current mood: refreshed

(painted murder)

Monday, May 8th, 2006
1:10 am - more brand new....
i've been listening to this song a lot lately. again, nothing to do with anything going on in my life, no hidden meaning. i just like it a lot.

Brand New - Seventy times seven

in school they never taught us
what we needed to know
Like how to deal with despair
or someone breakin your heart
For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is just beggin to pull me apart
I played it quiet left you deep in conversation
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen
I remember I kept thinking
that I know you never would
And now I know I want to kill you
like only a best friend could

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...

As if it happening wasn't enough
I got to go and write a song
just to remind myself how bad it sucked
Ignore the sun, covers over my head
Wrote a message on my pillow that says
"Jesse, stay asleep in bed"
don't apologize (I hope you choke and die!)
Search your cell for something which to hang yourself with
They say you need to pray
if you want to go to heaven
But they don't tell you what to say
when your whole life is going to Hell!

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
Everyone's caught on to
(and I can't let you let me down again)
everything you do
Everyone's caught on to...
(and I can't let you let me down again)

So is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
Have another drink and drive yourself home
I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call and end this conversation
And is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with
Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say "best friends" means friends forever

Is that what you call a getaway?!!
Well tell me what you got away with!!
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish!!
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids!!
Have another drink and drive yourself home!!
I hope there's ice on all the roads!!
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
then again when your head goes through the windshield!!

(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...
(I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to everything you do
(and I can't let you let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to...

current mood: tired

(1 murder | painted murder)

Thursday, May 4th, 2006
1:41 pm
thank you everyone for all of your birthday wishes!
mucho apprieciated.....
and i will be updating soon on the whole kegger, i promise.

but for now, things are good
some unexpected things, but good nonetheless.
sooooo till next time, keep a tight one!

current mood: chipper

(painted murder)

Saturday, April 29th, 2006
9:55 am - happy birthday!
well it's april 29th
it's my 22nd birthday!!!!!!!!
and we're celibrating by havin a kegger in St. John's.
599 Empire, $10 a head, all you can drink
there will also be three 60oz'er's too, for those that do not enjoy beer
so we're off to town at 11:30.....startin sometime after 4pm.
theme drink: tiajauna carwash
oh and Happy Birthday to Julie as well. you old lady, HAHA
anyways, i'm off to get ready! WOOOOOOOOOOP

current mood: ecstatic

(8 murders | painted murder)

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
10:39 am - cause it's all you can be....
i noticed a lot of people postin song lyrics lately, so i'm just gonna jump right on the band wagon.
this song in no way has anything do do going on in my life right now, and it doesn't "touch" me. it's just that this song sounds very pretty, but the lyrics are just....evil...cruel intentions...
and i loved the song the first time i heard it, like 2 years ago. you should download it.

Brand New - Me Vs. Maradona Vs. Elvis

With one or two I get used to the room
We go slow when we first make our moves
'Bout five or six bring you out to the car
Number nine with my head on the bar (in the bar)
And its sad, but true
Out of cash and I.O.Us.

I got desperate desires and (unadmirable) plans
My tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
Bring you back to the bar, get you out of the cold
A sober straight face, gets you out of your clothes
And they're scared, that we know
All the crimes they'll commit
Who they'll kiss before they get home.

I will lie awake
Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
Let you fall for every empty word I say.

Barely conscious in the door where you stand
Your eyes are fighting sleep while
Your mouth makes your demands
You laugh at every word
Trying hard to be cute
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do
And your hair smells of smoke
Who will cast the first stone?
You can sin or spend the night all alone.

Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold,
In the shape of a heart
That they cut out of stone
You're using all your looks
That you've thrown from the start
If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart
Cause its all you can be
You're a drunk
And your scared
Its ladies night, all the girls drink for free.

I will lie awake
and lie for fun and fake the way I hold you
let you fall for every empty word I say.

(4 murders | painted murder)

1:02 am - everything in it's place
the keg had been ordered. gettin booze besides.
we have a dj workin it for free.
and apparently word is getting out about it.

gonna be the best birthday party EVAR
and i'm starting to wonder if one keg is gonna be enough....
oh it's gonna be gooooooood

current mood: excited

(2 murders | painted murder)

Monday, April 17th, 2006
10:51 am - the great journey, greg and pikey, downtown and a stripper named tara
so yeah, on tuesday Greg calls me up after supper and tells me about a big bash dowtown....end of school specials or something...gonna be a mad bender. and i told him that i couldn't go, but i really wanted to. i just didn't have the cash to go to town and get loaded for a nite. plus i had to work at 3pm the next day. so, just joking around, i told him that if i had $100 by 9pm, that i'd come in.

well i started rolling loose change that i've been saving since December, and i had $48 worth!.....i go up and check my bank account....and i have more money that i thought....so at 9pm i left clarenville to go to town. the drive in was pretty long and boring, but i was at Greg's by 11 and not long after that me, greg, pikey and fallen (sp?) were headed downtown. greg couldn't believe i actually came out, and was pretty hyped about the whole thing. he said that normie's had a pretty good special on so that's where we headed, and man, the beers were goin back sooooooome smooth. and i gotta say, when we got there, there wasn't a whole lot of people there, but it wasn't long filling up. of course, after an hour and a half, pikey found his drag off girl from the last time i was out, and he went hoe with her early again, and fallen took off not too long after that. so that left me and greg....but, they we in having a dance while i was out for a smoke and this girl comes up and starts talking to me. she seemed realy nice, really pretty and kinda fun. her name was tara. greg comes out to see Fallen off, and then all three of us, me greg and tara, go in sand start on the tequila shots. NOW, her friend was working the shooter bar so we didn't really pay for these shots......and her friend looked like a stripper but i didn't really say much of anything.

sooooooo, i was good and trashed by this time, and out on the dance floor tearin it up with tara and greg was up on the platforms again. this is when miss tara decides to tell me that she's a 'dancer'....an 'exotic dancer', lol. no wonder she moved so well on the dance floor. i didn't know what to think at all, so i just went with it like it was nothing. i told greg about it and he laughed his ass off. so we headed up for more tequila, and went dancin again, and tara looked pretty wobbly.....kinda woozy.....next thing you know....she's barrelin for the bathroom hunched over.....i look up on the platform, and he saw it too, and motioned for me to come up. i told him about it and we said "the hell with that" and i started givin'er up on the platform too. see....i don't dance very much. i have to be very drunk even to step onto the dance floor. i was platform dancing that nite. i was totally goneeeeeee. by this time we'd had started on the molson cold shots, and those were flying back pretty well.

but the nite was winding down and it was getting late. i don't know what time we left the bar, but we got one of those George st. hot dogs and got a cab home. when we got there we heard pikey and his girl up talking in bed....sooooo me and greg busted in on him ballin out "i smoke rocks!!!!!" at him. the girl was petrified and all pikey could do was laugh. not too long after that i settled down on the couch and slept. and it was good sleep. i woke up arund 10 and chatted with the by's a bit. and i left around 11. i picked up and coffee and a pack of cigs in town and headed 'er on out.

got home around 1pm and justin's missus had bought us a kitten. a little cute, cute, cute, kitten. i wanna name him Pickle.
i showered, got ready and headed up to work. it was pretty boring, so after i got off work i went down to westsides like a savage. the place was packed.
but that's gonna have to be another story. i have to shower and ge showered and stuff. gonna be an interesting day i think.

current mood: chipper

(painted murder)

Sunday, April 16th, 2006
10:56 am - i know i know
i've been meaning to update about the mad bender tuesday nite....but i'll do so tonite i think.....i havn't gotten the chance...

and i'm gonna have to updat about last nite too.....

current mood: naughty

(painted murder)

Thursday, April 13th, 2006
2:54 am - just a quickie
just a bit before bed.....i'm drunk and dropping.....
last nite......
left for st. john's at 9pm.
got in town and got LoAdEd downtown
really loaded
had to work in C-ville at 3pm
got off work at 10pm
got loaded
and now
i'm going to bed
my bed
excuse me while i sleep for a week

current mood: sore

(1 murder | painted murder)

Friday, April 7th, 2006
2:29 am - here's my 'kerchief to dry your eyes......
my grandfather, Ted Reid, died today. Thursday, April 6th 2006.
he was 84 years old...an old man....

he was a business man, and he had quite a few successful ones......he owned a poultry farm way back in the day, and he also ran a hunting lodge in western NL...the kind where Americans would come up to spend dirt loads od cash to shoot a moose or caribou. he also owned a boarding house on old Brazil Square in St. John's. he ended up selling the land that the boarding house was on to the company that built the hotel that is now the Delta. i don't think that he worked much after.

as long as i knew him, he was always on the go. he started building a cabin over by Goobies when i was little, and over the years he added to it, put in sheds, swings, pavement, and when it was all done and there was nothing else to do with it, he sold it and bought a shitty old cabin that needed fixing up. he always had to keep busy....

in the past 5 years he's had his times in the hospital....he had a quadrouple bipass on his done on his heart...a very serious operation, but he still pulled through it. heart attacks, general health problems, and finally about 2 and a half weeks ago, the 3 strokes that crippled his body and his mind.

i went to see him every chance i got. there was a time about a week ago when i thought he was gonna die right in front of me.....his heavy breathing would die down, and he would go still for a few seconds. and then it was like the life got pushed back into him and he'd go back to his heavy breathing and moving around in his bed. he did this every few minutes, while i was shitting bricks. and i guess after beeing there every day for a while, i realized that he probably wouldn't make it. and i think that everyone who saw him knew, and i think that he did too. it's the first time i've ever seen him cry...
we all knew that even if he did make it, that he could never do the things that he loved again...his body was broken....half paralysed from the strokes.

my mother had been trying to get ahold of me all day, but i never got the call till somewhere around 7pm. when i heard her voice i knew.....it was the same tone she spoke in when her mother died....9 years ago, and i still remember everything.
and i wasn't surprised, and i know that sounds aweful, but i think that i knew that it was coming. it's still hard, and my throat still gets that dry feeling when i think about it.....but after seeing him in the hospital these past few weeks, in pain, i know....i know it was the time.

and i think of after he had his first stroke, the one that put him in there a few weeks ago. that night he tried to escape the hospital three times. he always hated hospitals. they ended up having to tie him down to the bed, but he still got out. he would have lied through his teeth to get out of there.
they told me that he said 3 words on wednesday, and that was more than he said the day before. they told me he said, "Goin home tomorrow."

i guess he was right

current mood: in tears...

(7 murders | painted murder)

Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
2:34 am - shake your head, it's empty!
well my last entry is kinda vague.....cause i was loaded. we went out wednesday nite to have some drinks...and me and justin talked to this girl and she needs a place to live so we offered our place.....she seemed to like the idea.....but we havn't heard from her, HAHAHA.
so i had to work a lot this past week, but on friday the molson guys came up to work to bring the beer, and they gave me the wicked idea to have a keg party. i like this idea very much. and they said it wouldn't be very hard to get it and they gave m the phone numbers that i'd need. sooooo, i called up Greg and asked him if he'd like to host a keg party at his place on the 29th, my birthday. he liked this idea VERY much, and told me that Pikey's birthday is only like 3 days before that and he'd be up for celabrating his birthday at the party too.

so i'm planning to get the keg stuff on the go on thursday, my day off. shouldn't be too much trouble. and the sweet thing about it is that i almost have enough cash in my recycling account to pay for the keg! and it's all from the recycling that i get from the restaurant, so it's basically free money. so score for free keg!
more on the kegger as the story develops....

sooooo, went out saturday nite for a few. after two days of split shifts at work i was ready to go out i tell ya. had a few, smoked a lot, and i even got offered a job at Don Cherry's.....which i declined on the spot. fuck that, haha. they're kitchen manager was there and saw me so she treid to sucker me in. when i found out who was working there as cooks, that's when i declined. no way in hell. ended up having a few people back to the appartment after the bar and we stayed up drinking for a while.....and then it was bed time....I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS. me and justin were supposed to be at my grandfather's in Georges Brook at 12....i woke up at 11 and my car was at the bar.....i got dressed and ran as fast as i could down to get it. when i got the car i picked up justin and we headed down...givin'er heat, and we got there 15 minutes early....awesome. i had to work at 3 till close, and that went fine, and afterwards me and justin went out for drinks again....and pool. met up with some friends and we stayed up till god know's when again.....hell on my body i'm tellin ya.

when i woke up on monday, justin had left to go to st. john's for the nite, so i had the appartment to myself for a while. i mostly just did some cleaning around my room and shit and just enjoied the peace and quiet. i had to work again (surprise surprise, i havn't had a day off since last tuesday), till close, and when i got off i went and rented Trainspotting and got a cigar, and i just sat back with a coffee and enojied myself. it was nice to have a quiet nite alone. and i remembered how much i love Trainspotting. so i rented it again tonite. and i'm still lovin it.

soooooo, that's about it i guess. workin again tomorrow......3 till 10....i've been workin EVERY nite since last wednesday. that shit's gotta stop. cause i fuckin hate it. thursday won't come fast enough....oh my.
so i should take off and go to bed. i've been workin on this entry off and on for 2 hours. time for bed. CAN'T WAIT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

..-I'm so glad that I'm an island now. Sickness was fixing me some.Coughed out my heart in the last stall. Now that the damage is done. I never miss it at all-..

current mood: exhausted

(4 murders | painted murder)

Thursday, March 30th, 2006
3:14 am - westsides weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
i just got home from westsides.....
and i'm loaded....
what an AWESOME NITE!!!!!!!
and there might be a girl movin in with me and justin.....and i don't remember how the fuck that happened......
out of the blue i suppose!.

(2 murders | painted murder)

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
12:44 am - if this is the life...
well i said that i'd make a more detailed update, so here i am, putting it all out there.
my grandfather is doing alright today, and he's more responsive....which is really good. when i went up this morning i was the only one there with him, so i made sure to soak it all in and stay as long as i could. that's all i can really do.

i tired going back to daily life today....and it feels good. more on that in a bit.....

i picked up Fight Club again the other day. and i'm reading it yet again. i'm reeling really the concept of hitting rock bottom to be truly free and enlightened. and i know that santeria1985 will get this quote....."this was freedom. losing all hope was freedom." and i think that on monday i felt the worst that i could feel. i guess sometimes you have to hit the bottom in order to build yourself up again.
one piece at a time.
and i'm glad for the people who are there to talk to....desiree, teri, kayla, jenna, amy, sammy, greg, kristen, and many others. you guys are awesome.

and i'm thinking of going back to school, and doing something new. now, i do not know what exactly to do yet, but i know that if i keep cooking i'll never have the life i want.
and even if i can't decide what i want to do, then i think that the time is coming where i'm gonna have to move. clarenville just isn't the same. i'll be surprised if i'm still here in september.

oh and in other news miss desiree hopkins now has a livejournal. you can find her at desiree_k. i'm very glad that she now has an LJ. keep up with the updates d-ray, cause i'm gonna be checkin.

i've been bad.....i felt bad at the time. and i'm gonna leave it at that.

sooooo, it's gettin late, and i wanna get up early tomorrow to go and see my grandfather again. i'm back to work tomorrow. gotta make that money!
till next time, play safe.

..-if this is the life, why does it feel so good to die today...blue to grey...grow up and blow away-..

current mood: accomplished

(painted murder)

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